How to Attract and Keep a Good Man

Scenario: You're fantastic woman with high self-esteem and a lot to offer a man. Your friends and family constantly remind you of how great you are, and frequently assure you that someday you'll find "the one." But after several weeks, months or even years on the dating scene, you just can't seem to find a man who meets your standards. If you desire a long-term relationship that could lead to marriage, it's time to do some self-evaulation. Follow these steps on how to attract and keep a good man.

Steps:

• Make a list of your personal weaknesses. This is a difficult yet crucial first step. It's more natural for a beautiful, talented, successful woman celebrate her good traits. Challenge yourself by writing down the less desirable aspects of your personality, behavior, habits, etc. If you need help ask a good friend or ex-boyfriend. This will help you gain better perspective on how you should perceive the world and how potential mates are really perceiving you.

• Take inventory on how these weaknesses have played a role in past disappointments. You'll probably be tempted to disagree with someone's opinion of you, but try to put yourself in that person's shoes and attempt to familiarize yourself with other people's realities.

•  Upon meeting a potential mate, find out the so-called "deal breakers" up front. Deal breakers are defined as anything you absolutely cannot live with. In your initial conversation, you should ask his relationship status, job and living situation and whether he has children. Make no exceptions for what you know in your heart you cannot handle forever. He deserves a woman who is willing and able to be compatible with his lifestyle.

•  When you are dating, leave a little mystery but do not play hard to get. Be mysterious by learning when to speak and how to listen. Don't ramble on inappropriately, as if your good looks will make up for diarrhea of the mouth. Focus on what the other person is saying, instead of what impression you are giving. This is not about celebrating your awesomeness. It's about getting to know whether this person is right for you.

• Once a steady relationship is established, listen to your gut. Be aware of red flags or warning signs, but do not react solely on the insecurities of your own past experience. Make sure the problem doesn't stem from previous disappointments seeping back into your psyche.

• Know when to move on if necessary. Don't waste time with a hopeless cause. And don't become a relationship martyr.  If he's unavailable, unpredictable or untrustworthy, move on. Period.

• Find satisfaction in your relationship. Remain humble and thankful. Have mercy on your partner. Don't live in a world of ideals. Instead, live in a world of what is. Ask yourself, "Can I be happy with him as he is right this moment and not who I hope he will be in the future?" If the answer is yes, then you're good to go.

Tips:

Finding and maintaining a healthy and happy relationship can be a humbling experience. Especially for an independent woman who seemingly has it all. You shouldn't have to dim your light to satisfy a man, but do keep life in perspective and understand that a relationship is about balancing give and take and ultimately deciding to accept a mate as they are.

Warnings:

If you are unwilling to humble yourself, recognize your faults or accept a mate as he is, you will not be ultimately satisfied. Sometimes you're the one who needs fixing, not him.


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